Marriage is a formal union, social and legal
contract between two individuals that unities their lives legally, emotionally,
and economically. It may require religious and or civil sanction whose rules
and roles may differ from culture to culture, as it is society dependent.
Marriage is also considered a cultural universal, meaning it to be present as a
social institution across cultures.
4 Horsemen - Gottman:
Dubbed as the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Gottman stated these - Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling - as being the predictors and biggest distributors of separation and divorce.
Criticism:
Your partner feels attacked when “you never” or “you always” is commonly used,
leading to a defensive response. Here this creates a dangerous pattern as no
one feels heard tending to lower self-worth in front of each other.
Defensiveness: Keeps one from taking responsibility for their actions, by playing victim or a counter complaint, escalating negative communication fueling bad exchange.
Contempt: a way of destroying the fondness/admiration is putting yourself higher than your partner - eye rolling, name calling, even sneering are such examples.
Stonewalling: Seen as spaced out or appeared to have shut down mentally not tracking the conversation as they are trying to calm themselves down in the process due to being overwhelmed. This comes off as not being interested enough in the problem to resolve it. Best is to identify the signs of emotionally overwhelmed in a partner or to pick up the topic when calmer.
Through Gottman therapy, which is to be sought after if the individual is willing, differences can be worked upon and beneficial if both partners are involved.
Pillars of Marriage:
Love
- an unconditional bond between two people, encompassing deep unity, going
beyond merely just a feeling.
Trust
- the most vital and nothing can be built upon it if absent, especially between
individuals and that level of openness with each other.
Understanding
- to have true understanding shows that communication is effective and you heed
to your partner’s needs.
Respect
- to have true value for each other and knowing when to battle your egos.
Future perspective:
With a change in
time comes a change in perspective with diverse cultures and traditions carried
over for centuries, are slowly coming to a hold and now perspectives revolve
around stability, self-worth, independence.
References
http://www.acouplesplace.com/Gottmans_Four_Horsemen_are_Divorce_Predictors.html
https://stenzelclinical.com/the-five-pillars-of-a-healthy-marriage/
Crossman, Ashley. (2021, February 16). The
Definition of Marriage in Sociology. Retrieved from
https://www.toughtco.com/marriage-3026396
