Building Relationships Bid by Bid - Dr. Sangeetha Madhu and Neha Vishwakarma

Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher of couples and relationships, has identified different characteristics and behaviors that distinguish healthy couples from unhealthy ones. One of the principles that he has found is what he calls “Bids for Connection”, which are actions through which a person tries to express a desire for connection towards the other person. These bids could be obvious and/or verbal actions, or subtle and/or non-verbal actions. Irrespective of the nature of bids, they have the capacity to decide the fate of the relationship, and decades of research have suggested that the couples who respond positively to these bids by their partners are more highly likely to have successful and happier relationships.

Since it is difficult to identify the non-verbal bids, here are some of the examples mentioned by Dr. Gottman:

1.      Affectionate touching – pat, kiss, hug, back or shoulder rub.

2.      Facial expressions – smile, blowing a kiss, sticking out of tongue.

3.      Playful touching – tickling, bopping, dancing.

4.      Affiliating gestures – opening the door, handing over a utensil or stationery, sending a reel or meme.

5.      Vocalizing – laughing, grunting, sighing, chuckling.

There are three ways people usually respond to the bids of connection: Turning away – ignoring the bid; Turning against – attacking, ridiculing or disregarding the bid or the partner; Turning towards – acknowledging and giving attention to the bid and the partner. Turning towards is the kind of response that helps build trust and connection between people and build a relationship; so, the rule of thumb is to be aware and notice when someone extends a bid towards you and respond towards it, rather than away from or against it.

On the other hand, if you are the partner who is sending a bid for connection, there are certain things that you can do to make them better:

1.  Use words and make the bids more obvious and clearer, especially if the non-verbal bids are going unnoticed.

2.     Express your need as a positive, such as saying “I miss you”, instead of saying “You are never around”.

Overall, a commitment to make bids, recognize them and respond positively to them can go a long way in building a successful relationship.

References

Improve your social skills. (n.d.). Bids for connection. https://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/gottman-bids-for-connection

Lisitsa, E. (n.d.). Dr. Gottman’s guide to recognizing bids. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/self-care-friendship-and-dr-gottmans-guide-to-recognizing-bids/

The Gottman Institute. (n.d.). 3 ways to make a better bid for connection. https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-ways-to-make-a-better-bid-for-connection/

Ury, L. (n.d.). Want to improve your relationship? Start paying more attention to bids. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/

Social Media and Mental Health -- Dr. Sangeetha Madhu and Neha Vishwakarma

The social media has been a ground breaking success in connecting people across great distances around the world and helping us catch up with friends and people we’d lost touch with over the years. However, the nature of use of social media has changed since its inception. Research has found that excessive use of social media has a lot of negative effects, including severe mental health conditions, like addiction. Social media has become a source of entertainment as well a way to escape the reality, giving the same kind of dopamine high to people, like any other addictive substance. Naturally, the other symptoms of addiction follow – social withdrawal, dependency, negative thoughts, anxiety, low mood, and so on.  

Social media has become an important part of our everyday lives. Thus, it is very difficult to reduce or regulate the usage of social media, even if we realize the negative impact it is causing in our lives. However, it is not impossible. There are a few ways through which we can regulate the usage of social media in a way through which we can reap the benefits, without letting it harm our mental health, which are as follows:

1.      Keep track of time spent online.

2.      Be mindful of the use and set aside time to spend on social media, instead of using it along with other tasks.

3.      Disable notifications and/or remove it from the device used most, and use it through the website or computer, in the designated time.

4.      Take regular pre-planned breaks from social media.

5.      Do not take the phone to bed.

6.      Engage in hobbies and other interests in free time, offline.

Social media can act as an escape and a relief from the stressors we have to face on a daily basis. However, due to repeated usage, it causes dependency in the long run without our awareness. It creates a cycle wherein we use to reduce our stress, but it causes additional stress in the form of comparisons and FOMO. Thus, taking a break from it, and involving in real life social interactions can help boost psychological wellbeing, as it provides us with a way to break free from this cycle. It might be difficult at first, but with consistent and mindful practice, we can use it to the fullest to our benefit, while also keeping our minds safe and sound.

Reference

Coyne, S. M., Rogers, A. A., Zurcher, J. D., Stockdale, L., & Booth, M. (2020). Does time spent using social media impact mental health?: An eight year longitudinal study. Computers in Human Behavior, 104, 106160. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2019.106160

Help guide. (n.d.). Social media and mental health. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/social-media-and-mental-health.htm

Kırcaburun, K., & Griffiths, M. D. (2018). Problematic Instagram Use: The Role of Perceived Feeling of Presence and Escapism. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, 17(4), 909–921. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-018-9895-7

Schønning, V., Hjetland, G. J., Aarø, L. E., & Skogen, J. C. (2020). Social Media Use and Mental Health and Well-Being Among Adolescents – A Scoping Review. Frontiers in Psychology, 11. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01949

Walton, A. G. (2021, December 10). 6 Ways Social Media Affects Our Mental Health. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2017/06/30/a-run-down-of-social-medias-effects-on-our-mental-health/?sh=154207b62e5a

Arts and Mental Health - Dr. Sangeetha Madhu, Aayesha Bano and Neha Vishwakarma

Each one of us has strong feelings and memories associated with art and it is also a strong mode of expression of those feelings. Songs can make moods change, colors can change the level of concentration and motivation, and dancing can make us feel alive and excited, to name a few of the modes of arts that we relate to and engage with in our daily lives. It allows us to connect with our own internal world and including arts in our lives can be a powerful source of mental and emotional self-care that is effective and accessible, and that leads to calmness and peace.

Involving in art can be a very cathartic experience and has the ability to provide a sense of relief. Not only that, it can also be beneficial for impacting the health and aging of our brain and contributing to cognitive improvement. It has been found by various research that a consistent practice of art can improve self-esteem, can help us release the thoughts and emotions that cannot be expressed in words and can facilitate in the healing of trauma. When we are involved in art, the artistic processes help us create a balance between our emotional state and decision making, as it helps us to identify with ourselves more than identifying with the issue.

There are multiple ways in which arts can be included in our day to day lives, some of which are as follows:

-          Visual art – doodles, zentangles, mandalas, colouring, painting, sketching, etc.

-          Sculpture, building something or DIY projects.

-          Weaving, knitting, embroidery, chroceting.

-          Creative writing – poems, stories, anecdotes, etc.

-          Dancing and movement-based arts, fashion.

-          Listening to music, singing, acting, theatre, mimicry, playing an instrument.

Art therapy can have tremendous benefits when used as a method of self-care and self-expression. Including any one of these or any other choice of art in our lives every day, even for as less as 15 minutes can help us set a calm and peaceful tone for our day and improve our productivity and quality of life significantly.

 References

A. (2020, August 27). How The Brain Is Affected By Art - Rehabilitation Medicine. ACRM. https://acrm.org/rehabilitation-medicine/how-the-brain-is-affected-by-art/

How arts can help improve your mental health. (2021, November 11). Mental Health Foundation. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/blog/how-arts-can-help-improve-your-mental-health

Loeuy K. (2022, April 11). Art for self-care and mental health. University of Washington. https://thewholeu.uw.edu/2022/04/11/art-for-self-care-and-mental-health/#:~:text=Studies%20have%20shown%20that%20expression,something%20everyone%20can%20participate%20in.

Stuckey, H. L., & Nobel, J. (2010). The Connection Between Art, Healing, and Public Health: A Review of Current Literature. American Journal of Public Health, 100(2), 254–263. https://doi.org/10.2105/ajph.2008.156497

World Health Organization. (n.d.). Arts and health. https://www.who.int/initiatives/arts-and-health#:%7E:text=Their%20ability%20to%20provoke%20cognitive,risk%20factors%20of%20mental%20illness

 

Healthy Mental Health Choices - Dr. Sangeetha Madhu, Aayesha Bano and Neha Vishwakarma

Mental health influences each and every part of our lives and thus, maintaining mental well-being is an important part of everyday life, and needs to prioritized. Mental health includes the health of one’s emotions, thoughts, behaviors, lifestyles, and relationships, and not just being free of mental illnesses. It is an important determining factor about how we feel and think, handle stress, relate to others, make choices and cope with life. Thus, it becomes very important to make choices in our daily lives to ensure that we take care of our mental health and preserve it.

There are a number of small and quick everyday choices we can make to enhance our mental health and life:

·            Staying positive and having a balance between positive and negative emotions

·            Taking a break from negativity and negative information.

·            Practicing gratitude - being thankful for the good things in life, big or small.

·            Taking care of one’s physical health – exercise, diet, etc.

·            Building social connections, developing strong healthy relationships with others.

·            Developing coping skills to deal with stressful situations.

·            Practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

·            Experiencing life eventsfully.

·            Developing a sense of meaning in life.

·            Creating a healthy lifestyle.

These practices act as protection from the stressors of daily life. However, sometimes the stressors can overpower our resources to deal with them and lead us to experience symptoms of mental distress, such as difficulty sleeping, change in appetite, unwanted weight changes, lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating, loss of interest in thing that one usually enjoys and inability to perform daily activities and responsibilities, to name a few. In such situations, it is important to seek support from other people and professionals. In case you are unsure of from where to seek help or treatment, you can start by contacting a primary health care provider. Making healthy mental health choices is the key to maintain well-being, and now is it the best time to take steps towards a better life.

References

Medline Plus. (n.d.). How to Improve Mental Health. https://medlineplus.gov/howtoimprovementalhealth.html

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). (n.d.). Caring for Your Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/caring-for-your-mental-health

NHS website. (2022, March 28). 5 steps to mental wellbeing. Nhs.Uk. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/five-steps-to-mental-wellbeing/

Self-Care - Dr. Sangeetha Madhu, Aayesha Bano and Neha Vishwakarma

Self-care, or practicing to take care of ourself and our body, is an essential part of taking care of oneself. It is a process of engagement in multidimensional strategies to promote healthy functioning and enhancing well-being. Regularly fueling your body with healthy, nutrient-dense food and taking care of your basic physical and mental health needs is a part of self-care.

There are a number of domains that one can cover to ensure care of mind, body and spirit. These include:

·      Physical care: This would include having a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, indulging in required physical activity, and taking care of illnesses and ailments appropriately.

·      Mental care: This might include doing things that keep us mentally sharp and active, for e.g., solving puzzles, reading a book, or any activity that keeps the mind engaged and intrigued.

·      Emotional care: This would involve dealing with uncomfortable emotions like anger, anxiety, or sadness. This can be done by indulging in activities that help one acknowledge and express one’s feelings regularly and in a safe space, or in activities that help processing emotions.

·      Social care: This includes maintaining close connections with friends and family, by investing appropriate time and efforts in the relationships.

·      Spiritual care: Nurturing the spirit is equally important, and that can be practiced by involving in anything that helps one develop a deeper sense of meaning and understanding of self.

Self-care can be practiced in many ways – from ensuring a good night sleep every night and an early morning walk every day, to consulting a professional for healthcare. Self-care helps to build resilience towards stressors in life that one is unable to prevent. Having an effective self-care routine can lead to a number of benefits such as reducing anxiety and depression, improving happiness, increasing energy, reducing burnout, developing stronger interpersonal relationships, finding a sense of purpose in life and also increasing the overall quality of life.

References

Martínez, N., Connelly, C. D., Pérez, A., & Calero, P. (2021). Self-care: A concept analysis. International Journal of Nursing Sciences, 8(4), 418–425. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijnss.2021.08.007

Mental Health America. (n.d.). Taking Good Care of Yourself. https://mhanational.org/taking-good-care-yourself.

Scott, E. (2022, May 23). 5 Self-Care Practices for Every Area of Your Life. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/self-care-strategies-overall-stress-reduction-3144729 

Emotional Dysregulation and how to Overcome it - Dr. Sangeetha Madhu, Aayesha Bano and Neha Vishwakarma

Emotional dysregulation happens when an individual has intense emotional response immediately after a situation or a trigger, which does not fall under the normal range of emotional reactions. When situation like this occurs, one might feel that they are not in control of their emotions, and might find recognizing their emotions difficult and feel confused, guilty, or stressed about their behavior.

Some common experiences when a person feels dysregulated are:

·         Feeling spaced out, unable to remember where they are, and also at loss of words.

·         Unable to work properly, trying to get things done at once, but unable to finish anything.

·         Tripping over things, dropping things or even losing things because they are unable to pay attention or concentrate.

·         Having flat voice and facial expressions.

·         Frequent, and uncontrollable mood swings.

·         Feeling at rage, frustrated and anxious.

·         Feeling numb in parts of the body, like hands, mouth, face, nose or feet.

What to do to regulate our emotions well?

·         Taking a pause and focusing on your breathing to calm down.

·         Engaging in some physical movement – shaking and wiggling the body, running, skipping, short exercises.

·         Avoiding driving, making decisions or even having discussions with others until you feel better regulated. 

·         Having a nutritious diet and sleep routine.

·         Inculcating mindfulness and exercising on a daily basis.

·         Having awareness of one’s own emotions and physical self.

It is important to remember that though these strategies can help, there might be instances that they will not be enough to manage the extent of dysregulation. In those situations, it is better to consult a psychologist or a counsellor to discuss our issues and emotions and seek help from a professional who can help in these situations.

 References

Davis, T. (2021, August 23). What Is Emotional Dysregulation? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/202108/what-is-emotional-dysregulation

Runkle, A. (2018, October 30). How to Know if Your Brain Is Dysregulated, and What to Do About It. PACEsConnection. https://www.pacesconnection.com/blog/how-to-know-if-your-brain-is-dysregulated-and-what-to-do-about-it

Sherrell, Z. M. (2022, April 7). What is emotional dysregulation? Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/dysregulation#causes

WebMD. (2021, April 18). What Is Emotional Dysregulation? WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-emotional-dysregulation#:%7E:text=Emotional%20dysregulation%20is%20a%20term,mood%20swings%2C%20or%20labile%20mood.

Happiness and Meaning of Life - Dr. Sangeetha Madhu

 “Humans may resemble many other creatures in their striving for happiness, but the quest for meaning is a key part of what makes us human and uniquely so.” – Roy Baumeister et al.

Do we even have time to talk or ponder about the meaning of life? Even if we all want more purpose in our lives, do we spend enough time thinking about it? The concept of meaning in life dates back to Ancient Greece and can be found in famous works by writers like Victor Frankl, as well as in the study of psychology today.

The three components of life's meaning are: coherence – the feeling that one's life experiences are understandable and that they make sense; purpose – having goals and direction in life, that give a sense of meaning; and significance – a person's belief in the value, worth, and significance of his or her existence. While coherence provides an understanding of the experiences, significance and purpose give an evaluation of the value of that understanding. All the three and interdependent, and together, they form a holistic meaning of one’s life and life experiences.

 We may develop or uncover our own unique sense of meaning. Individuals reporting higher meaning in life are more likely to have better relationships and better health; they tend to have higher well-being. However, the relationship between happiness and meaning in life is not that simple. Research suggests that creating meaning in life might cause experiencing negative emotions in a particular time, but still lead to resilience and well-being in the longer term. Having meaning in life might not guarantee happiness in the short term; however, in the long run, it might provide a route to a happier and satisfactory life.

The meaning of life is found wherever we find purpose and fulfilment. As a result, the greater our values, experiences, ambitions, and beliefs are, the more meaning we can derive from our life. Meaning is one of the few things that you can never have too much of; living a more meaningful life is always a desirable goal, and you can never be too fulfilled or purposeful!

 

REFERENCES

https://theconversation.com/having-a-sense-of-meaning-in-life-is-good-for-you-so-how-do-you-get-one-110361

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/292190023_The_three_meanings_of_meaning_in_life_Distinguishing_coherence_purpose_and_significance

https://positivepsychology.com/meaning-of-life-positive-psychology/

https://newsroom.unsw.edu.au/news/health/having-sense-meaning-life-good-you-so-how-do-you-get-one

https://www.lifeintelligence.io/blog/seeking-happiness-find-purpose-with-these-four-pillars-to-a-meaningful-life

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/the-differences-between-happiness-and-meaning-in-life/#:~:text=It%20seems%20that%20happiness%20has,%2C%20present%2C%20and%20future%20experiences.

 

Sunlight For Better Health - Dr. Sangeetha Madhu, Aayesha Bano and Neha Vishwakarma

 Sunlight has the ability to provide powerful restorative, protective, and healing effects. Soaking in the sunlight does wonders to the mind, bones, and the whole of our body. Vitamin D which is a major part of what we absorb from sunlight, as converted by the skin is essential for our bones, heart, teeth, immune system, nerves, and also muscular health.

Some of the benefits of absorbing sunlight include:

1.            Regulation of the circadian rhythm (body’s internal clock)– Sunlight facilitating the release of the sleep-inducing hormone, which helps one to have a good night sleep.

2.            Improves mood – Sunlight triggers the release of a hormone associated to boosting mood, which helps the person stay calm and focused. Thus, it also helps people deal better with depression.

3.            Help in coping with anxiety – The better a person sleeps at night, the less reactivity he/she would have to stress. Thus, by improving sleep, sunlight prevents us from anxiety.

4.            Prevents cognitive impairment – exposure to sunlight can prevent cognitive impairment caused due to stress or other mental health conditions, as the relationship has been found between low exposure to sunlight and decline in cognitive functioning, especially in presence of stress.

5.            Better immunity - Sunlight lowers the risk of a range of health issues such as cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes etc. It helps in the absorption of calcium in the bones, preventing arthritis and other bone related problems usually seen in old age. The World Health Organization (WHO), also claims that sun exposure helps treat several skin conditions such as – psoriasis, eczema, acne, etc.

Spending a little time in the sun, or going for a morning walk when the sun is not shining too bright can work wonders for our health. As less as 5 -15 minutes in morning sunlight can help us absorb the numerous benefits that the sun has to offer. Letting some sunshine and brightness inside the house through doors and windows can also help. However, caution should be maintained while being under the sun. It emits ultraviolet (UV) radiation, which when exceeded, the required amount on the skin can damage the cell DNA. Thus, try sunbathing before 10 amor apply sunscreen if you have to be under the sun for a prolonged time.

References

Byzak, A. (2021, May 7). 5 Ways the Sun Impacts Your Mental and Physical Health. Tri-City Medical Center. https://www.tricitymed.org/2018/08/5-ways-the-sun-impacts-your-mental-and-physical-health/

Kent, S. T., McClure, L. A., Crosson, W. L., Arnett, D. K., Wadley, V. G., &Sathiakumar, N. (2009). Effect of sunlight exposure on cognitive function among depressed and non-depressed participants: a REGARDS cross-sectional study. Environmental Health, 8(1), 1-14.

Nall, R. M. (2019, April 1). What Are the Benefits of Sunlight? Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/benefits-sunlight#outlook

The Mental Health Benefits of Sunlight. (2020, December 10). Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/the-mental-health-benefits-of-sunlight-5089214

 

 

 

Procrastination and how to overcome it - Dr. Sangeetha Madhu, Aayesha Bano and Neha Vishwakarma

 Procrastination is the chronic avoidance of difficult tasks, which can even involve deliberately looking for distractions. Experts define it as voluntary delay in action despite being aware of the worse off consequences; it is almost a form of self-deception. Procrastinators might know about the consequences of their delay, but find it difficult to change their habits, despite trying. It is not just a habit, but rather one’s failure of self-regulation, where inability to manage emotions is the main cause for putting things off.  Researches have proved that people who procrastinate are prone to have higher levels of stress in the long run and their quality of work also reduces; it impacts their psychological as well as physical health, as well as their professional life. Thus, procrastination is not only a habit, it’s rather a maladaptive lifestyle.

Types of Procrastinators

The Anxious type: They delay starting their tasks due to fear of failing, or making mistakes.

The Perfectionist: They don’t start the task because they fear not executing the task perfectly.

The Over-doer: They have a fear of not living up to their own impossible standards, thus committing to too many tasks and failing to prioritize important ones.

The Crisis Maker: They believe that stress and pressure is important to perform better, thus waiting till the last minute; they are unable to manage their time appropriately due to this.

The Dreamer: They have a lot of creativity and focus on creating an ideal plan; but they think more than they take action, thus, finding it difficult to actually complete tasks.

How to overcome procrastination?

·         Prioritize. Do the most challenging and important tasks first.

·         Be realistic. Make realistic calculation of the time required; set realistic and achievable goals; don’t get carried away by imaginations.

·         Focus. Focus on what is important achieve the ultimate goal, keep track of your progress. Set time limits for each sub-task, and stay focused on not exceeding the time.

·         Some techniques to use – Pomodoro method to manage time, SMART framework to prioritize and set goals, ‘Eat the frog’ technique.

·         Rest and replenish. Give yourself small breaks to recover and start over. Be kind to yourself.

References

Häfner, A., Oberst, V., & Stock, A. (2014). Avoiding procrastination through time management: an experimental intervention study. Educational Studies, 40(3), 352–360. https://doi.org/10.1080/03055698.2014.899487

Henderson, R. (2021, May 27). 6 types of Procrastinators and how they think. JAYSON MORAN. https://jaysonmoran.com/2021/02/12/6-types-of-procrastinators-and-how-they-think/

Ho, L. (2021, April 19). 5 Types of Procrastination (And How to Fix Each of Them). Lifehack. https://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/types-procrastination-and-how-you-can-fix-them.html

Jaffe, E. (2013a, March 29). Why Wait? The Science Behind Procrastination. Association for Psychological Science - APS. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/why-wait-the-science-behind-procrastination

Jarrett, C. (2020, May 14). Why procrastination is about managing emotions, not time. BBC Worklife. https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20200121-why-procrastination-is-about-managing-emotions-not-time

Lingsieck, K. B. (2013). Procrastination. European Psychologist, 18(1), 24–34. https://doi.org/10.1027/1016-9040/a000138

Psychology Today. (n.d.). Procrastination. Retrieved February 3, 2022, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/procrastination